i miss her… and she’s only been gone a day.
it’s funny really, how hard i fought against being ‘in a relationship’ because i didn’t know what direction my life was going to take in the next few months. and because i didn’t feel that tugging in my stomach when i was with her. and because i wondered secretly if maybe i would find someone else… and what then. but we’ve talked about all of these things. the uncertainty. the understanding that nobody really knows what is going to happen.
after spending christmas with her and her family. after sitting outside smoking cigarettes and staring at her secretly, thinking how beautiful she looked… i realized how important she is to me. and now, more than ever, i want her here.
it’s strange to be writing about these things now. but i miss her. we have only known each other since June (a little bit before i left for my ‘reality tv show experience’) but recently i have had thoughts of us living together. not because i want to ‘take our relationship to the next level’ but because it feels like home when she is around. because i feel more productive/motivated. because even if we aren’t doing something wonderful and fun… it is still nice to know that she is here. it is somehow comforting.
she usually comes over on the weekends. every so often she finds her way here during the week and she stays for a couple of days. she left her pillow here when she left for Vegas and i slept on that last night. it still smells like her.
i talked with her on the phone a few minutes ago after pacing around the house aimlessly for the last hour. i don’t know what it is but i’ve had absolutely no motivation these last few days. my creativity has left me. i’ve done a number of Lump sketches. i’ve attempted to do a few REAL drawings for the site but can’t seem to come up with anything new. each time i put my pencil to paper, i end up drawing the same stuff. the same characters. the same images pop into my head… and i knew this would happen. this always happens. this is why i never did anything with my art. because my ‘creativity’ seems to come and go like the tides.
p.s. i realize for MOST (all?) of you.. the news of me ‘being with someone’ is new. maybe one of these days i will explain… but for now, just know that i am with someone… and i miss them because they are away. and that (oddly enough) makes me happy. but you may not understand that…
i was doing fine an hour ago…
and all of the sudden out of nowhere came this splitting headache and i feel like i’m going to be sick.
migraine?! first one in years? could be.
ugh.
i bought Garden State.
i cried five.. no wait.
six times.
fucking beautiful movie.
i will do my best not to be discouraged.
i will continue to draw.
i will come up with new ideas.
i will move forwards with this.
i will not give up? … again.
this is such a recurring theme for me. i’m sorry you people have to put up with it :/
most importantly. i guess i will just give it time?
three more 1″ monster buttons for sale.
hand drawn.
hand colored.
each one comes with a little signature card.
TOTALLY one of a kind!
1.
2.
3.
each button is $4 (+1 shipping)
let me know if you’re interested.
thanks to everyone that responded to my question about “best x-mas gift.”
like a few of you, mine is really not a material thing.
this year (moreso in the last month) i have experienced an overwhelming amount of kindness from complete strangers and my friends/family.
since the conception of Lump and lumpstuff.com, i have had nothing but support from people. my button-maker broke and within four days people had donated enough money for me to buy a new one. i have been offered ‘contacts’ and ‘hook-ups’ through fellow artists here in the Tampa area and in other states. i have been given a HUGE opportunity through Biancas father to promote and market Lumpstuff in Germany and the rest of Europe (and if not that… i’m sure i will get a good amount of advice on how to improve my chances of making it.)
i’ve also been really lucky it seems. i’ve made a number of contacts that have the potential of helping me out A LOT. today i got home and had an e-mail on MySpace from the guy who runs monkeyvsrobot.net. i’ve been connected with a number for really amazing artists from the Tampa area that are all willing to help me out.
i dunno. so i think my ‘best gift’ this holiday season has just been that regardless of if/when my reality tv show ever airs… things are going really well and i hope that this new year brings a lot of good things… i can hope.
and also. to top it all off… being with someone (you know who you are) over this holiday season has made me realize a few things. and i feel good about it.
so. there it is.
okay. so although we don’t like to think of it like this… Christmas is ALSO about ‘getting stuff.’
curious what people think was their best gift this year?
i’ll tell you mine later.
i know. i suck.
Happy Holidays from lumpstuff.com! (updated)
so i spent last night (Christmas Eve) in Springhill with Biancas parents and grandmother… more on that later.
upon returning home, i checked the stats for lumpstuff.com… “and nearly shat myself.”
11,400 hits on the 23rd of December?!?! WTF? uh. yeah. wow. and then i noticed that on all of the previous days (22nd, 21st, 20th etc) the number of hits for the website were in the low thousands and i BELIEVE that i checked the site a few days ago and they were only at about 500 per day or a little less… so i think someone is trying to play a VERY evil trick on me. their system must have messed up somehow and made the site statistics all messy for this past week. a shame really, because i was hoping to see how they were doing and now i just don’t know.
Christmas Eve.
Bianca is German. her father (step father?) is VERY German. i had heard his voice in the background the other night when i spoke with Bianca and he sounded like a frightening (intimidating?) man. i was a bit worried. upon meeting him, the first thing that i noticed was his amazing mustache. since i can’t quite explain it in words, he looked like the classic German man (that should be wearing authentic Gernam lederhosen)… ie. Mr. Peanut mustache?! it was great. he is a businessman. he will see an opportunity and go after it and he has been successful doing so. from me, for Christmas, he asked for a box set of cards and wanted me to sign EACH one of the cards. i knew what he wanted… an investment. i obliged (of course) and it’s good that i did.
over the course of the night, he and i shared a bottle of Jagermeister which i was quite worried about since i didn’t want to be drunk in front of her parents. she had warned me that he would try and make me drink with him. by the time we all went to sleep, he and i had finished off the bottle and amazingly enough, i wasn’t drunk. Jagermeister is actually VERY good after a heavy dinner and if had as a ’social’ drink only, shouldn’t really make you drunk.
anyhow. point is. he saw an opportunity. it seems he likes me. we talked of business. of my ‘plans’ for the future etc. he made a phone call this morning to a man named Ulrich Weiland in Berlin, Germany. this man owns a VERY LARGE marketing/promotional company in Berlin. he spoke with him for a few minutes in German and (with Biancas help translating) told him that his daughter knows someone that does illustration work and that i wanted to market it… this man, Ulrich (Oli) said the he wanted me to put together a promotional package of some sort and send it to him and he would do what he could. according to Bianca, her father doesn’t do this very often so i am honored that he would decide to help me out. it would be an AMAZING opportunity to promote Lump in Berlin seeing as how much of the youth in Berlin loves cute things like this.
so. maybe this new year will bring good things for Lump and for myself. we can only wait and see.
i hope that everyone is having a good Christmas Day. i will do my very best to update lumpstuff.com at some point today but as we all know… Christmas is a time for family and not so much for working.
ciao.
updated lumpstuff.com
two days in a row?! hot damn!
