Friday is my last appointment… with the producers. a ‘final interview.’
at this point. i honestly don’t care what the outcome is. not that i’ve lost interest, but… being out here.. waiting for a decision. jumping through hoops, has made me realize that… for the most part, i’m pretty content with my life at the moment. and i won’t mind going back to it if i don’t get on the show.
i’m bumping in to more and more ‘potential candidates’ in the hotel. i’ve talked to one or two of them (i’m not supposed to). some of them make me question my confidence… but why. who knows.
two more days.
i’ll let everyone know when i find out.
but yeah. whatever happens. i’ll either be ’seeing ya’ or.. you’ll be ’seeing me’… hehe.
ciao til Friday.
i’m in Burbank. i’m alive. i can’t really talk about anything but.. it’s funny. i feel like a spy. i’m not supposed to talk to anyone out here about why i’m here. i’ve already made up two stories. i see and hear things.
some guy came into the elevator carrying the same paperwork that i had gotten earlier. i stayed quiet. he looked at me and i said “hey” (i think we both knew)
i heard some guy walking on the STREET… on his cell phone.. talking about how he had just taken a test (can’t say what kind of test) but.. he didn’t know i knew.. but dammit i knew.
it’s just strange. i’m lonely. i’m bored in my hotel room. that’s all. gotta run. i’m at kinkos.
well folks. this is it. it’s 5am and i’m getting ready to head off to the airport. gone for LA am i.
i’ll try and keep everyone posted as to what the news is… whether i’ll be back in a week or… possibly more!
wish me luck. while i’m gone. be safe o’friends of mine :p
much love.
due to an extra-long night without sleep, i took a nap when i got home from work. just woke up. it’s 10:30pm. i’m going back to bed in a moment.
BUT I GOT A CALL FROM NBC WHILE I WAS SLEEPING!!!
(they’re flying me out to LA for a week)
aparently, they are flying out double the number of people that they need for the show. i go to a psychologist and a doctor (nothing extensive)… just to make sure we are healthy enough to do whatever ‘challenges’ come up on the show and that we’re not crazy. if i get picked, they me fly me from LA to whatever ‘exotic location’ they are shooting the show at (i still don’t know where)
wish me luck.
oh. and i cut an inch off my hair today. i think i need to get the back tapered too cuz uh… i look like a duck or something (damn curly hair).
oh. and damn MySpace too. it won’t load for me and i’ve got a message from someone on my theheadguy profile. i’m curious.
grr (again).
going to watch spiderman part dos with my dad, brother and aaron. yeah.
i’d better get on this show now… i just spent $180 of money that i dont really have to spend… to get my damn passport.
grr.
just got home from work. there was a message from Sa-me from NBC. i need to call him back but… i might be flying out to LA in the next couple of weeks… oh boy.
now i just hope to GOD that i can get my passport in time. i’m going up to the office today to renew my old one.
shiiiiiiiit.
*cross your fingers for me!!*
[update] just gave him a call… they’re a sneaky bunch. APARENTLY… the title “Escape Your Life” wasn’t actually the ‘final’ name for the show… now that they’ve ‘finalized’ it… come to find out… it’s actually the “Average Joe” series… part 4. HAHA. kick ass.
aaaaanyhow. i need to go get some errands run :p
so i’m sitting here in front of my computer. i get a phone call. i don’t recognize the number on the caller ID.
i let the answering machine get it.
“i just got off the phone from a really weird phone call.”
… it was my friend Scott. i had put him down on my ‘background check’ paperwork. aparently, someone from NBC just called him and asked him a bunch of questions.
- on a scale of 1-10 how honest would you say he is.
- has he ever been engaged or married.
- what is his ‘type of woman’ (to which Scott replied… “shabby chic” haha)
- how often does he drink.
- what kind of sense of humor would you say he has (Scott said “rye” hah. leave it to Scott. he thinks she wrote down ‘dry’) lol
so anyhow.. i guess i’d better not give up just yet. and i’d better get my ass to the passport office.
scary.
[update: i just called a few other people who were on my list of references... they said "yeah. i just got a call about thirty minutes ago from a 'private caller'... so i didn't answer. guess i'd better answer next time huh."]
maybe this isn’t the right time for this. maybe it’s never the right time.
there is a girl. and every time i talk with her… she makes my brain spin and my heart stop beating. i have written about her before. from sailing team. and she is. beautiful. i would do anything to see her smile. anything. i can’t even form the words that i want. she is amazing. she is beautiful. she is intoxicating. she is.
we have talked for hours. our lives follow different paths but yet we both seem to understand one another. we talk of life and she says, “yeaaaaah. see. i’ve always thought that too. i’ve always felt that way.” we desire similar things. we both make faces in the bathroom mirror… by ourselves (she told me i could take pictures of her making silly faces next time she does it). she wants to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity with me. she wants to go kayaking sometime with me. gaaaarhg!?#R*)(
i can’t even begin to describe her in the light that i want to. but.. just know, in my lack of words… that she is.
…………… the only problem is. she’s not (attracted to me in an even minutely romantic way). i told her last night. that sometimes it sucks that she is who she is… because every time i talk with her… my brain spins and i want to run off and travel around the world with her and make silly faces in bathroom mirrors with her and sit on her porch and talk for hours with her and just… be… with her. (yes. i am crazy for telling someone that.. but at this point… i don’t care to hold back).
she said thank you. she said that i always have the nicest things to say to her.
i sent her something that i had written about her in my journal from a few months ago. i think she was in shock. but that didn’t stop her from maintaining composure.. .dammit.. i wanted it to throw her off.. i wanted it to make her see.
i was going to post bits and pieces of our past here… past e-mails. past IM’s. but instead. i’m just going to say.
… i’m just torturing myself by spending time with/talk with her. she will never ‘come around’ (they never do).. but for some sick reason… i still hope maybe she will. why is it… that the ones that -i- am always attracted to… i’m just “a really great guy (that i’m not interested in romantically).”<– i’ve heard that more than once.
so yeah. shes great. i could easily fall in love with her (were she also interested in me) but seeing as how that’s not going to happen… i’m just going to continue to torture myself every few months by seeing her.
