Life of The Average Joe
i’m back (sort of)… i have a computer that works a little bit.. for internet at least. still have no idea how much stuff i lost off of my hard drive.
i thought… that more would have happened in four days (of being away). i was wrong.
i’ll update A LOT more on the weekend later… yeah.
my computer has been down for quite a few days now. hopefully i’ll have it (one) back up and running soon. i miss you peeps 
what’s funny… aparently my stupidity has frightened her. i’m now ‘weird’ again… and too intense.
my sister and aaron say “dude… just chill out. don’t be so intense with everything that you do.”
do people really believe that it’s that easy to just ‘not be who you are’??? just curious.
ya know what… fuck this. everything. i’m sick of being the way that i am. who i am. how i am. i don’t want anything to do with it anymore.
i’m just going to get really drunk again tonight.
… and hopefully i’ll be single until the day i die. because i can’t take the responsibility of being ‘me.’
that’s a book title.. or… it is now. “the responisibility of being me”
my computer is dead (has been for a few days now). *sigh*
i have been away.
now. ’she’ is here. for three days. i’m so fucked up about it. i’ve been talking to her on the phone for months.. for hours.. she makes me laugh. she makes me smile. i am ’silly’ around her (on the phone)
and now she is here. and i have forgotten what to say. forgotten how to be funny. forgotten how to be myself. this has only happened one other time. when i REALLY liked a girl. i REALLY like this girl. she has eyes that i want to curl up with. a genuine laugh. she is stubborn. she is straightforward. everything that i hate in people. i really like her.
last night i got off work and went out to dinner with everyone (the family. her. aaron). i sat in silence. uncomfortable. like a boy with his first crush. to keep myself doing something, i drank. a lot. more long island iced teas than i would like to admit. i said nothing. wtf is wrong with me?!! all today i have been uncomfortable. all i want… is to go somewhere with her. to be SOMEWHERE with her. and sit in silence and just… be. with her. i really like her.
i have ‘chased around’ girls/women for many years. having a crush here. a crush there. most of them have not been because i liked them but because i thought that maybe if i did happen to ‘win her over’… i wouldn’t be alone anymore. that i would have someone to ‘give’ to. not morgan. i just.. yeah. i don’t know what to say about it. i feel dumb. she came down here with my sister. maybe to see me. maybe just to get away from being in the air force for a little while. and i am not being myself. i hope i can find a way to be more comfortable. to loosen up a bit. to not be so silly.
and now they’re home… so i should go.
i really like her. i really do. i wonder if she likes me too.
being that the winners (for the 5th annual polaroid international photo awards) are being announced this on the 26th or the week of… and i haven’t heard anything from them, i can only assume that i was not one of the winners. hah.
dass cool. now i just wish i could get my prints back. bastages.
some of you were lucky enough to experinece my drunken stupiddity..
some of you.. weren’t?!
to the beeach i go.
fuckin’…. pent up sexual energy bullshit…
me+pent up sexual energy = bedtime.
*grumble*
