another from christmas day.
my mother and father. dad doing the dishes. mom bringing tea to my grandmother.
Monthly Archive for December, 2003
another from christmas day.
my sister laughing at one of my grandfathers ‘off color’ jokes (i can tell just by her face.. she’s not sure she should be laughing)
i’m not sure why it’s doing this.. but it’s SORT of neat (at least a few times)… the scanner isn’t scanning directly over the frame, so on the left of the image, you can see the break and a little bit of another photo. looks sorta neat.
i dropped off six rolls of film at Target on Sunday. they were all supposed to be done today. only two were. the following is a photo of my (step) grandfather from xmas this year. the reason it is a wonderful photo. my grandfather is a strange man. he’s racist. a bigot. hates Jewish people. and when he dies, his millions of dollars i can GUARANTEE you will go to the NRA. BUT.. in this photo… it shows another side of him. he’s also kinda silly. and since i was a child, he’s always carried lots of paper in his shirt pocket. they’re usually jokes (dirty jokes, racist jokes.. sometimes they’re actually just ‘normal’) so.. that’s the background.
more to come soon.
well. this is sorta cool. when i lived in Montana.. i dated two girls. the first was Natasha. she was wonderful. THE sweetest girl i have ever met. outgoing. outdoorsy. she was awesome. the only reason we’re not dating now is because she went off to college when i was still in the air force (and she was dealing with some leftover feelings for our friend Eric… my coworker in the air force that i met her through).. our relationship came to a close with NO hard feelings though. and a few weeks before i got out of the military, i saw her in the Walmart parking lot. aparently, she was back in town for a little bit. we hung out. we talked. it was great. anyhow. i never got ANY pictures of her (i wasn’t into photography at the time.. though now i wish i was). for my birthday, my best friend Scott, her and i all went down to a park on the river and drank beer under the stars. it was one of the best days of my life… to have two GOOD people.. and that was all.. just.. there for me.. on my birthday.
so.. i’ve been holding on to this disposable camera for years now. just got it processed.. and i found these two pictures on it (two of only three that came out). it’s my ex-girlfriend Natasha, Scott and I on the day of my b-day. i was happy to see these pictures. i had forgotten about them. i miss these two people. i still talk to both of them.. but.. my memories of them were slowly fading.. and now i have these two crappy photos. but they’re wonderful 
well folks. i don’t know what to tell you anymore.
it’s been over a month since
maybe this is the end. i don’t know. i’ve been trying really hard not to give up. i really have. but it’s getting harder and harder. Colette is still out there (in Cuba with a friend of mine) so.. maybe this is the end of Gaylord… and the beginning of something new.
just don’t anymore.
(and yes. i realize that I’M the one that is supposed to stay positive about the project) but when NOTHING happens for months and months.. and i STILL have nothing new to put on the site, i start losing faith.
just figured i would let everyone (that is still interested) know… that i’m still waiting. but the optimism that i once held in making this project something amazing is quickly wearing off.
i was told by MY boss.. that the ‘big-boss-man’ probably wouldn’t let me take pictures at work… so what did i do? snuck around with a camera today.. that’s what i did.
this is where i work.
this is Mark… doing what we do often (sit around and read newspapers)
underneath the silo
a little something rusty for
how i entertain myself at work… by snickering at things like this.
just… think ’sex’ (it’ll all be over soon)
 
a notice on the side of the railway cars.
a sticker on a semi-trailer. (i’m actually going to submit this one to Maxim for their ‘found sex stuff’ section)
aaron just came home for lunch. we sat on the porch for a few minutes. i said, “these last couple of days have left me feeling… lazy. well. i don’t know if lazy is the right word or not.”
he said “i’ve got the perfect word for it…. ‘anxious’. cuz i’ve been feeling the same way.”
he’s right. anxious is a better word for it. but.. anxious for what? it’s strange that… no matter how much i can’t stand college (for the most part).. when i’m NOT in school.. i don’t know what to do with myself. i just… work. nothing new. nothing different. same stuff each day. don’t get me wrong, i like my job. i really do. but there’s still something missing.
i’m JUST about caught up now with all of my bills. just about back to ‘ground zero’ where i’m not behind on anything… and i’ve done it all myself. no help from the parents this time. that feels good. but… what now? what now. i know that there are those things that i want to do. i want to volunteer. maybe i should start off volunteering for Habitat for Humanity on the weekends. i want to finish school. i still don’t know WHY i want to finish school.. but i do know that there is something inside of me.. something in my heart that tells me that i should. that i NEED to.
i remember my LAST day in the Air Force, when i drove off Malmstrom AFB for the last time. a great weight was lifted but… at the same time, i was left feeling horribly empty. i was driving off into the unknown and it felt VERY strange. i can imagine that graduating from college (whenever that happens) is going to feel very similar. but i know i must.
the point of this entry?! is that i’m anxious.. and i’m not sure about what. maybe it’s just the new year being so close. i don’t know. i just. i don’t feel anything ‘moving’ anymore (which could be considered a good thing). the water is calm.
 
Aaron, my sister and i all went to the beach yesterday (only for a little while). Aaron was teaching Heather (my sister) how to skip stones on water. he has a little crush on her. it’s cute.
ya know… one would have thought that by now… i’d just say “fuck it”… but i don’t.
tonight was a night of… well… i don’t know what. we all (my roomate, my sister and her friend) went out bowling. then we played some pool. etc. etc. etc.
my sisters friend got drunk (along with everyone else?!) and decided that he loved my sister (who had just been broken up with by her boyfriend0. point is… the ENTIRE night… i tried to make sure that my sister didn’t do anything stupid. and that HE (my sisters friend didn’tdo anything stupid) and that blah blah blah. basically.. i spent the entire night (drunk or not) making sure that everyone was ‘good’…. and now (in my last few minutes of drunken stupidity) that everyone has passed out… i’m finally able to let myself be ‘drunk’… and it’s ridiculous.. i can’t explain how much much work it is to make sure that the people that i’m around don’t act retarded. and no.. it’s not for my own satisfaction. i was actually an pain in THEIR asses tonight… making sure that people didn’t do things that they’d regret in the morning. fuck it. i can’t explain it. basically… the point is… being where i am… is a tough position to be in… but i do it… for the sake of my sister (because i love her). i take care of my family.
maybe this all sounds like bullshit… but now… after all of the beer that i drank is catching up to me… after everyone has FINALLY passed the f*ck out… i can sit here and type about how LONG and TIRESOME my night was. it sucked basicallly. and i was supposed to call a friend of mine, but i ended up being too busy taking care of ’super-drunk-people’.. and didn’t call… and i feel bad.
blah blah. grr.. i’ll deal with everything tomorrow. so much to do. so much to do (tomorrow)
