aparently, i worked 112hrs for the last two week pay period.
i can’t wait until it’s over.
Monthly Archive for June, 2003
before i’m late for work.
it’s raining out. it’s been raining since last night. i like the rain, but dread what it’s doing to my jeep (i STILL haven’t gotten the back window replaced for lack of money). things like jackets are being soaked in the back. i’d wash them… but lo-and-behold.. my washing machine is broken as well. *Sigh* i’d dry them.. but every time i turn on the dryer, the breaker pops (because the wiring in this house is so damn old).
point being. nothing in that arena is quite going the way it needs to be. too many things need repairing or replacing and i can’t afford it. i just hope my jackets aren’t getting gross. i think a trip to the 24hr laundromat might be in order tonight.
my space bar key on this keyboard is all funkay too. it keep sticking. *sigh*
i found my camera before i went to bed last night. it just took a LOT of ’searching’ through my room (which has been a horrible mess for the last month and a little bit. i’ve been working TOO many hours. and who wants to clean their bedroom on their ONLY days off?! not me.
i need to call USF to find out if i can just go ahead and register for classes?! i have NO idea. i got on their website and it SEEMED like i might be able to. i just don’t want to have to deal with the same problem that i had before… having to pick from the classes that were ‘left over.’ i also need to write my photography teacher an e-mail to find out who is teaching intermediate this semester. to see if she thinks i should take it with this teacher or not.
Michelle (a good friend of mine from my first semester at school) just got back from a trip to Europe to see Bjork in Paris. it seems i only get to see Michelle once every few months… but she means a real lot to me. i hadn’t known her that long by x-mas time of last year… but i bought her a bunch of ‘kitsch’ from Goodwill and filled up a stocking with it. she loved it all. she bought me a REALLY COOL childrens book from the late 1800’s with some beautiful illustrations in it (she knew that i liked old books). that meant a LOT to me. we exchanged gifts at the Village Inn over coffee and cigarettes. it was fun. the point is. i talked to her last night. we’re going to get together Saturday to catch up. it’s been almost EIGHT months since we’ve seen each other.
this morning i had a dream. a very short ’snippet’ of a dream actually. i dreamed that she called.. and i picked up the phone. and all she said was “i love you…………” WHY i dreamed that, i can only imagine. i mean. i of course have an IDEA (starving for ‘attention’ from a female, the subconscious desire to feel ‘loved’ by someone again etc. etc). and the fact that i just talked with HER last night on the phone. anyhow. it was weird. so i woke up.
i’d better get ready for work now. i’m going to be late.
OOOoH!! a thought… if all goes well… i won’t be working this shitty job EVER again come the beginning of August!! *yaaaaaaaaaay*
my $1,000 camera has somehow ‘gone missing’ in the house… and that worries me slightly.
i think it’s time for a full-home overhaul.
i’ve finally filled out my Financial Aid paperwork.
maybe i WILL actually be back in school by August. that could be nice. if i’m lucky, i may get enough that i don’t even have to WORK to make up for the $200 a month that i need to pay all debts (according to my budget).
that would be even nicer. but i won’t keep my fingers crossed.
i feel a little better.. i think.
one of the shittiest days i’ve had in a long time.
at home. at work. everything.
heavy crying in a bathroom stall at work.
disappointed in myself (for too many things to list here tonight).
the end result. i don’t know what i’m going to do anymore.
(there would be more.. but… i’m saving myself from having everyone that reads this think i’m an emotionally imbalanced fruitcake)
it’s almost 4:30am and i can’t sleep.
i’m contemplating calling out from work tomorrow/today. meh. i dunno.
didn’t do much all day. Aaron bought a 12pack of Corona that he convinced me that we should drink in the middle of the afternoon. i took a nap. later,
and now, here i sit.. contemplating the constants in life. the cycles. the inability to accomplish what i should. just as there’s too much to get done everyday, there’s always too much to think about. i get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
so instead.. what do i do? i shoot up. i pump my blood full of music. sit here with my eyes closed. my elbows propped on my desk. chin resting on fisted hands. and i float away…
i’m an addict. an abuser.
i think i’m beginning to notice… that i lose a little bit more of myself everyday… and i don’t know how to stop it.
i’m becoming a vegatable. asparagus anyone?
