well, i won the high bid on my negative scanner the other night. so that’s definately a step in a positive direction. i have to buy a SCSI card too, so i don’t think i’ll be ’set up’ for at least two weeks but i guess that’s okay. regardless of how much my brother jokingly says “it’s a good excuse,” i really think that this scanner will take me one step closer to getting something done about my cards. i know is selling cards as well… and last i heard he’s at least broken even as far as cost vs. income. it will of course be more difficult for me to break even since i’m going to actually be getting them printed by a printing company (so i’ll need to make back the scanner plus printing costs) but we’ll see. i’m going to need to get some type of a ‘website’ up and running for these things… or maybe even just revamp my existing site (total overhaul). the only issue is, i’m not sure if i can set up an “order here” page on my webspace provided by the University. anyone know if that’s possible or not??
on another note: i spent an hour or two last night at the beach.. sitting/lying on the roof of my jeep, listening to music. i don’t know if anyone else have ever done this but… if you haven’t and you get a chance, go somewhere away from the city lights etc, where you can just lie on your back and look up at the stars… and close your eyes for a little while. and then open your eyes… it’s CRAZY. opening your eyes to nothing but stars is the oddest insta-sensation in the world. you instantly feel like you’re floating through space and the earth (or the roof of your vehicle) is no longer touching your back. it’s fun. i called a bunch of people from my cell phone, but nobody was home. i wanted to somehow ’share’ that moment with someone but…nobody wanted it. oh well.
i skipped three classes on Thursday. i’m obviously gonna feel the ‘heat’ from that in the following weeks, but.. i just didn’t want to be on campus that day… so i came home. i’m having this recession in how i feel about college. i was talking with a friend of mine the other day and she said that she really doesn’t like how USF (like most colleges) provide classes that have nothing ’substantial’ to do with your intended major. and it really is kind of retarded. i want a degree in photography, so why am i taking English Composition II, Religion, Philosophy etc? i’m thinking more and more and more on Evergreen. i requested a ‘package’ from them so hopefully that will be here soon. i’m really not sure how it’s all going to work to be honest, but we’ll see. it would be NICE if i could leave at the beginning of my summer break (after i take my trip to the Tortugas), so i can at least still be getting the $900 a month from the Air Force over the summer. that will give me a chance to find a job, a place to live etc. but… i’m not sure if i’d still get that if i wasn’t registered for classes at Evergreen. the reason i wouldn’t be registered for classes at Evergreen is because… i couldn’t afford ‘out-of-state’ tuition, which means that i’d spend a year working and living in Washington before i applied/registered for classes. i think that’s how it would work. but.. gah. there are so many ‘what-ifs’ etc. it scares me. i’m barely squeaking by right now (financially). i mean, i AM making it by, but… just barely. so i’d hate to get out to Washington and run into financial trouble. which means, that i’d need some ‘cushion’ which means that i should REALLY try working more this semester. but working more this semester will be hard since the classes that i AM taking require a lot of work. can you see where this is going?! it’s gonna be REALLY hard… and i’m not sure if i can do it. i guess.. baby steps right? or something.
i have today off. i’ve got a couple things that i should/need to do. oh, and by the way.. for some reason… i like the group Dishwalla. i got their Opaline album as a promo from work a few weeks ago and since yesterday have been listening to it off and on. so today.. i’ve got..
- read some more of my new book, ‘The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys’ and when i’m done with that, pick up Blake’s, ‘The Marriage of Heaven and Hell’ as a follow-up. (there are too many books that i need/want to read.
- make a few more envelopes throughout the day (i’ve got about 30 done, and i’ve just about run out of good ‘newsprint’ material) i’m thinking heavily of actually DESIGNING some envelopes, like those of the Griffin & Sabine series (that way i don’t have to worry about materials). so.. those of you who were interested in the envelopes, if i end up designing a ’standard’ set.. i’ll let you know since that may be the route i have to take.
- take a look at my upcoming papers etc. that are due that i could possibly work some on today… and then work some on them.
- donate some stuff to Goodwill. i don’t know what, but i feel like at 24, i’ve just got WAY too much stuff.
- wash some dishes.
- get a haircut (it’s getting long, which is fine, but it’s also getting this ‘redneck’ long at the back so i need to have that trimmed up till the rest of my hair catches up).. yes, i’m growing out my hair some. and hoping that my beard fills in. if not, i’ll be forced back to the goatee…… again. *sigh*
- figure out how to back up ALL of my stuff (photos, text documents etc.) so i can do a clean sweep of my computer.. since it’s giving me shit again.
- clean up the front porch. it looks ghetto.
- maybe possibly be brave enough to tackle the journal that was sent to me by , that i’ve had for months now. it’s just scary. i want it to be good. maybe i’ll try something… something today.
- do something else artsy. something, anything…
- rent another movie. (i saw ‘Loser’ last night. it was pretty good. he reminded me of…well…me, quite a bit.. except i haven’t ‘gotten the girl’ yet)
guess i’d better get started on my day huh?!
i just bid on this….
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=11207&item=2303302877&rd=1
haha.. i’m gonna spend $450. wooHOO! oh well. it’s too bad. the guy selling it was actually trying to sell it through a livejournal community… for $400. but i found out too late. so now i’m stuck bidding on it. haha. damn.
so i went to my English class at 9am… it was a waste. we got there, the teacher gave us the ‘revised’ syllabus since she’s cancelling class due to some ‘workshops’ or something. when she was done that she said, “okay… that’s it. i’ll see you guys next week.” so.. yeah. then i went and slept on a bench for two hours since my next class (philosophy) didn’t start until 1pm. woke up at about noon-time and something just hit me.. and i thought.. ‘fuck this.. i don’t wanna be here today.’ so.. i came home. on my way to the car, some guy said, “we don’t have class today?” and i was all ‘huh? huh what?’ cuz i didn’t know who he was. aparently he’s in my philosophy discussion group. i told him i wasn’t going. i didn’t have the paper to turn in anyhow. so yeah. i’ll obviously feel the ‘heat’ from this in the following weeks, but… i just need to get out of this funk that i somehow fell back into and i have the next four days to do it.
i realized at about 10:30 last night that i actually had homework to do… i was supposed to write a response paper to some stuff i read for philosophy class. so… i went out to the living room to sit with the dog on the couch for a minute or two…………………… and then i woke up… up 1:30am…sitting on the couch. so i trudged from the couch to my bed and went back to sleep. not good. it’s too early in the semester for me to not be caring so much about homework and quiz’s etc. much too early. it’s just so hard for me… when other things start leaking through the floodgates of my brain.. it gets so hard to ‘focus.’ i’ve just been thinking a lot lately about the possibility of moving. and i’ve been thinking about photography projects that i want to work on, and vacations that i want to take. i need to focus. its too early in the semester. too early. i also need to shower. and it’s early in the morning. (another long day)…
found out that we’re not going to have English class on Friday again, so since that’s my only class.. it means i have four days off (and only work Saturday). well needed.
i just called Sandy (one of my old friends from high school)… we hung out about six months ago, when she came down from PA, where she now lives, to visit her mom. aparently… she’s PREGNANT!! crazy shit. she’s got a boyfriend. they’re not married. it’s been a rocky relationship but… she seems okay with it. i wouldn’t say she’s ‘happy’ but… i think she’ll do well. she’s a strong person. she’ll be a good mom. it’s just strange.. people getting pregnant and such. it’s just… i don’t know, it’s this whole new level of life that i’m not at yet. i’ve wondered before when i would be a father… if i’ll ever be a father. if i’ll be a good father when the time comes. it’s all just so strange. anyhow. i’m happy for her.
she also told me “chase your dreams man… get out of Florida.”
hey look… it’s 6:30 in the morning… and i’m STILL sitting in my computer chair. yeah, that’s right.. i stayed up through the night working on this fucking paper. it’ll teach me not to mess with religion won’t it?! this is ridiculous. i’m not sure if i’m dreaming that it’s 6:30am or if it really is. i remember it being brighter. *sigh* oh well. dreaming or not, i need to jump in the shower with my footnotes (haha.. that’s the lamest joke in the world.. get it ‘jump’ with my ‘foot’notes..cuz i’ve been writing a paper.. fuck it. nevermind). i need to shower, drive to my parents house and print my two papers… maybe i’ll find some time to sleep at school. that would be nice.
i can only imagine that the obnoxious yelling and screaming from the house across the street… and the fireworks going off in the distance means that the Bucs won the Superbowl?? eh? only a guess.. i’ve been sitting in front of my computer staring at the same page of text for the last 10hrs. i wouldn’t know.
this religion paper is SERIOUSLY kicking my ass…. and it’s already 9:30pm. fuck. hrmn. well..shit.. yeah. i hate writing papers.
didn’t go out shooting last night… worked some on my English paper, watched ‘Orange County’ (cuz i love that movie) and went to bed. i just now finished my English paper (three hours later) and now have the MOST difficult paper i’ve probably ever written ahead of me (my Intro to Religion paper). i’ve never written a paper that requires footnotes etc. this should be interesting. *sigh* hopefully it won’t take me six hours, but it probably will. guess i’d better get to work.
soooooooooo much to do. i’m going to be typing papers for at LEAST six hours tomorrow (i guess that’s what you get for putting stuff off). oh well. i just hope it’s not as nice of an afternoon as it was today. that will make me bitter for having to stay inside and do homework. i bought a book today from Borders (with my tip money and some leftover cash). it’s on how to shoot good night photographs. i’m really addicted to shooting at night. there’s just something about the ambient lighting and having to rely on streetlights, moonlight or other sources of lighting that tend to give places a really ‘magical’ and sometimes lonely feeling. my first problem i’ve noticed is.. i’ve been using a pretty shitty film. i was using Tri-X 400 through most of the semester though i’ve been reading more and more about the Ilford HP5. it seems the Ilford 400 has better contrast and much better grain… and it’s definately more forgiving in ‘overexposure’ circumstances. so, i’m going to go pick up some of this tomorrow most likely, and if i can get my homework done before tomorrow night, i’m going to go out shooting later tomorrow evening. just from driving around a lot recently at night, i’ve logged a few places that i want to try and shoot (just due to great lighting situations) and i figure it will give me a chance to try the Ilford HP5. it’ll also be nice to actually go out shooting again (since it’s been almost a month) *sigh* if all goes well, i’ll have access to a negative scanner through the kindness of and her roomate. so when you start seeing some new photography up here, you’ll know how it’s possible.. so throw out a thank you if it means that much to you!! i know it means a lot to me.. and we’re gonna get to hang out too.. and this’ll be a first. so.. fun times. i think that’s all. i’m gonna have a glass of milk, smoke a cigarette and go to bed. buenos noches etc.
oh…and also i saw Monica (my old photography T.A.) at work today… felt weird just cuz of me having a *crush* on her before and all.. and the fact that we hadn’t talked AT ALL since school was out (guess you know who your friends are and who’s not). but.. i talked with her for a little while… told her what ‘direction’ i wanted to go in with my work.. she said “you know nate.. you could easily have your own show/opening now if you really wanted to. you’re stuff is good.” and i said “well..thank you.. i really want to get a little better at printing though.” and she said “you’re prints are really pretty good now..” so.. that made me feel good. i still want my darkroom.. i wish Vicki would get back with me and let me know how much she wants for her enlarger.. I WANT TO PRINT!!!
