Monthly Archive for August, 2002

HEY

Published on August 31, 2002 in Uncategorized. 2 Comments

remind me never to be around again, when my sister gets a call on her cell phone; especially not if it’s right before i go to bed.

you know how people talk really loud (for no reason) when someone is either foreign or.. is blind or has ANY disability, and we automatically assume that their hearing must be impaired as well.. you know what i’m talking about? well, THAT is how she talks on her cell phone. her decibel level is OUT off the charts. anyhow…

she showed up here tonight (for some reason) to sleep, and then she’s heading off again tomorrow morning for work or something. she’ll be moving in on Sunday. remind me to take her cell phone…

hehe.

582

Published on August 30, 2002 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

i’m sad… things with a friend aren’t going so well.

good idea for a picture

Published on August 30, 2002 in Uncategorized. 10 Comments

it’s not really ‘finished’ in any way, it’s merely an idea that i’ve been tossing around.
sometimes, it’s just how i feel…

580

Published on August 30, 2002 in Uncategorized. 4 Comments

umm.. let’s see. today sorta sucked. i woke up at 5am so i could get to my 8am class on time. i REALLY didn’t want to wake up this morning but… i did. at 9am when class was out i drove home, making a quick stop into Borders to check my schedule. i work at 8am tomorrow. *yay. when i got home, i went back to bed. i slept till around 1pm. i HAVE to shoot some film this weekend. there is no way around it. yesterday i borrowed my dads camera for JUST that purpose, but he has no working light meter, so i figured that today i’d just go up to the camera place in the mall and buy one, then go downtown to shoot some film. well, i get there (the camera place) and they tell me that they don’t sell light meters. i either have to drive ALL the way up to the other side of Tampa (40min drive at least) and there is a place that sells them, or i can order one. not gonna happen. i need it this weekend. so anyhow, over the last few weeks i’ve been looking at 35mm SLR cameras. my dad really doesn’t like me using his, because it’s old.. and it’s his… and he likes it… and he doesn’t want me breaking it. so he was going to let me use it this weekend, but not all of the time. well, i own a camera (my Minolta Stsi 35mm SLR), the only problem is… i can’t use it for my photo class because it doesn’t have aperature settings (which i need).

in the end, i bought a new camera today. i came home to see what the status on my $2,100 check from Schwab was and via the internet, it claimed that i was unable to request my check, since my account was JUST recently transferred from a ‘custodial’ account. so.. i called my mom. i said “hey mom.. i need money until my check gets here.” she was at work, and busy so she said she’d call me back. so, i lay around for an hour until around 2pm. by this time, i was getting worried. if i didn’t take my dads camera to shoot film and/or i didn’t get any money from mom to buy a new camera WITH a metering system built in, i was gonna be screwed as far as shooting this weekend. i just didn’t want to go out shooting, and waste four rolls of film and develop them all on Wednesday and have them be crap. so, i called my mom back (she was pissed) and she said “fine… have you talked with your father about this? no? fine.. how much do you need?” when i told her i need $1,000 she didn’t say anything for a second, and then said “fine.. i’ll put the money in your account. i have to go. goodbye.” needless to say, the whole way up to the mall, i felt bad. i don’t like putting my mom in that position, but i was sorta out of options, and i knew that i was getting a new camera in the next few weeks anyhow. but.. she’s already gone WAY out of her way to ‘accomodate’ my insanity thus far. i still owe her the $400 for the kayak that she in theory bought for me (since she basically ‘lent’ my sister money, to give me to buy my NEW kayak) so now i’m waiting on my tax return check AND my Schwab check.

*sigh* i have to re-work my finances i think.. it’s getting all out of whack.

i just realized that this entry for the most part, is REALLY boring. basically.. it says “hey, i bought a new camera today.” but somehow it turned into a book. and it’s all sort of ‘out of whack.’ crazy. i’d be surprised if anyone actually reads this. the picture that i’m gonna post is really the important part! haha.

this is my new ‘baby.’

579

Published on August 30, 2002 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

i think i’m going to go downtown and try and shoot some film for next weeks due date. i’m really worried, because my dad doesn’t have a light meter, and my camera doesn’t work right now (the battery is dead) so i’m shooting on his REALLY old Minolta, with no meter. i’d hate to waste a shit load of film because i was ‘off’ with my settings. but i’m really out of options. i was going to buy my new camera today, but i can’t get access to my god damn money, and my mom is busy (at work) so she couldn’t talk to me about lending me some money until i CAN get access to my money. fuck. oh well. i guess i’ll just keep my fingers crossed.

578

Published on August 29, 2002 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

*sigh* i guess i’ll update again, just because i’m now bored as shit. i can only assume that shit is pretty boring. i just watched Lethal Weapon 4. that was reaaaaaaaal exciting. just wish there was someone around to watch it with. the house is really empty again, and i’m feeling sorta lonely. hah. lonely, can you imagine that?! i was doing so well too. my room is getting really messy again; so is my Jeep for that matter. i just haven’t had the time to clean them, but i HAVE had the time to help them get all messy. i don’t like messy rooms; doesn’t help for the nerves really.

sheesh.. i really am lonely. i guess that’s what this post is going to be about.. loneliness. oh well. i’m just sitting here, and my body feels really ‘light.’ i feel as though i’m still out on the water (which is something that happens at different times for me). i can feel a sway in my body, even though i’m not moving. my mind is pretty cloudy for the most part. if i actually stopped to think about what i was typing, i probably wouldn’t be able to. my mind would go blank.

damnit… i don’t want to be single forever.. i really don’t. i wish i could understand myself better. i wish i could just be FINE, once and for all with being single. i hate having to ignore it, or to feel it there, lingering on the sidelines of my everyday. it’s just not fun. everytime i look around there is really only one thing missing.. and that is the presence of someone else. that’s all. everything else, i have. and if i just had that presence, i wouldn’t need anything else anyhow. i feel like such a ’sap.’ i can’t focus. i wish i could… but i can’t.

fuck. why is this coming back to me again.. oh wait.. i know why. nevermind. that feeling of loneliness (oddly enough) always comes back to me when i meet some new, interesting girl. how pathetic. i fear that i will forever be stuck in this cycle.

oh well.. fuggit.. i’m goin’ to bed for real this time. ‘computer entertainment’ just doesn’t seem to do it for me anymore.

oh.. well, yeah. i guess this is as good a time as ever to get all emotional. *cries* it’s been a while anyhow hasn’t it?! haha. lovely. it’s obviously time for bed.

577

Published on August 29, 2002 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

*sigh* i guess i’ll update again, just because i’m now bored as shit. i can only assume that shit is pretty boring. i just watched Lethal Weapon 4. that was reaaaaaaaal exciting. just wish there was someone around to watch it with. the house is really empty again, and i’m feeling sorta lonely. hah. lonely, can you imagine that?! i was doing so well too. my room is getting really messy again; so is my Jeep for that matter. i just haven’t had the time to clean them, but i HAVE had the time to help them get all messy. i don’t like messy rooms; doesn’t help for the nerves really.

sheesh.. i really am lonely. i guess that’s what this post is going to be about.. loneliness. oh well. i’m just sitting here, and my body feels really ‘light.’ i feel as though i’m still out on the water (which is something that happens at different times for me). i can feel a sway in my body, even though i’m not moving. my mind is pretty cloudy for the most part. if i actually stopped to think about what i was typing, i probably wouldn’t be able to. my mind would go blank.

damnit… i don’t want to be single forever.. i really don’t. i wish i could understand myself better. i wish i could just be FINE, once and for all with being single. i hate having to ignore it, or to feel it there, lingering on the sidelines of my everyday. it’s just not fun. everytime i look around there is really only one thing missing.. and that is the presence of someone else. that’s all. everything else, i have. and if i just had that presence, i wouldn’t need anything else anyhow. i feel like such a ’sap.’ i can’t focus. i wish i could… but i can’t.

fuck. why is this coming back to me again.. oh wait.. i know why. nevermind. that feeling of loneliness (oddly enough) always comes back to me when i meet some new, interesting girl. how pathetic. i fear that i will forever be stuck in this cycle.

oh well.. fuggit.. i’m goin’ to bed for real this time. ‘computer entertainment’ just doesn’t seem to do it for me anymore.

576

Published on August 29, 2002 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

today was a good day. Electronic Media was alright. she was teaching us all ‘basic Photoshop skills’ which i already know, so for the most part, i was just pulling images off of my place on DeviantArt.com and messing around with them, as she taught (she didn’t mind.) it seems like we’re doing yet ANOTHER ’self portrait’ project… but, without the ’self.’ as in, for both Elec. Media and Photography, we are supposed to show the world who we are, through images that don’t really include any pictures of ourselves. so… i’m confused. i’ve been trying to think of exactly what it is that i want to do for these projects, and i can’t come up with anything. i’m supposed to go out and shoot film for photo this weekend, since we’re starting in the darkroom on Wednesday of next week. as for Elec. Media, i think i’m just going to use an old image of myself.. and just work with lots of different layers in Photoshop, maybe throw some text in there as well. i don’t really know. i’m going to start working on it tomorrow i think.

i got a call from the credit union that i have my Jeep loan through. i didn’t pay it last month because i didn’t have the money with school starting, and i HONEST TO GOD haven’t had a chance to call them and pay it since school started (and i did have the money). Aisha, the girl that i usually talk to, left a message and said it was important that i call her back. i’d better call her tomorrow. i don’t want to get my Jeep repo’d. that would suck.

sailing was much better today. when i got to St. Pete, Kyle (the co-ed coach) said that Andy and Eric were down on the dock rigging up the J-24 (which is the 24′ boat). i was excited. Kyle said that if after today, i decided to stick with the smaller boats, i could but if i really enjoyed sailing the J-24, he said “then it’s all yours…” so i think if i can get someone to sail that boat every week, things will kick ass. it was SO much nicer to be on a larger boat. there was more room for me to move around on deck, the rigging was in much more ‘agreeable’ locations, and when i wasn’t adjusting lines etc, i could just sit on the ‘high-side’ of the boat (the side that’s up in the air… since the boat has a tendency to sail on it’s side a lot) and i could just sit with my legs over the side as we sailed. i came back to the dock today with TEN pretty nasty blisters. but definately worth it. Kyle asked what i thought and i told him it was great, and i had ten blisters to prove it and he said “awesome! you’re turning into a real sailor!” real sailor or not, next week i’m bringing gloves!!

talked to Amanda very little today. i’m not typing about it because i’m ‘obsessing’ (i hope) but i just want to stay true to what’s on my mind here in my journal. she (from what i can tell) is the most attractive girl on the team, which i think is going to cause most of the guys to go pretty stir-crazy (even myself maybe?!). after my class today, i walked up to where everyone met the other day (yes.. mostly just in the hopes that Amanda would want to ride down with me again… i’ll admit it.) needless to say, she didn’t :( i got up there, and she was already loading her stuff into someone elses car. i said “hey” and stood around for a minute or two more. it seemed everyone had a ride, so i just started walking back to my Jeep. after practice today, i asked her if she had any plans for the weekend, and she said that she actually did.. i guess she’s going up to Gainesville for a baseball game, and then to Tallahassee. needless to say, i’ve GOT to get my mind off of her. it’s just one of those ‘things.’ i figure i’ll not ask her again?! is that the right thing to do? Lord only knows…

anyhow.. college. yup, i’m in college. it’s work. i’m tired and sore. sadly, it seems i’ve got less of a social life now, than i did BEFORE college. psh. life goes on. i think i’m going to go watch a movie. my English homework is done i think so i don’t have to worry about that.

g’night world (if i don’t update again tonight)

575

Published on August 29, 2002 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

so much for waking up early on days that i have a noon class. it’s 9:30. i have to leave in a half hour. to top things off.. for SOME damn reason, my laundry wasn’t actually dry this morning even though i put it in last night. i don’t know if it’s because i had shoes in the dryer as well, and that changes things?! (you can tell how ‘versed’ in laundry i am right)

anyways. hoorah. Electronic Media today, then some sailing. i’m tired. i can’t wait for tomorrow. i have an 8am class, and then i’m done for the rest of the day. i’m going to come home and sleep. and then i have to work Saturday and Sunday early in the morning (8:30am) and then Monday, which i would NORMALLY have off (from life), i think Andy and I are going to go down to St. Pete and take a boat out to practice some. we’ll see how i feel by Sunday.

i hope my clothes are at least MOSTLY dry by the time i’m ready to leave for school.

*sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy*

i wish i had the time and/or brainpower to actually write something ‘thoughtful’ in here as opposed to just my class shcedule. i’m sure that when i’m 50 and come back to read this, i’m reaaaaaaaally not going to be interested in my daily routine. maybe i will. who knows. who cares really.

i’m tired. my fingers are fumbling across the keyboard, and my eyes are (for the most part) closed while i’m typing this. if i last a week with my current schedule i’ll be surprised. cuz, being this tired when i get home is NOT conducive to wanting to actually do homework. (don’t worry.. it’s all done, but i’m saying in the future it may not be just cuz i’ll be too damn tired.)

*tickin’ away… the moments that make up a school day… fritter and waste, the hours in some strange, sleepy way-ee-ay.*

I CAN’T READ

Published on August 28, 2002 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

i’m too tired to type anything of importance. i’m worn out.. haha. and this is what, day THREE of ‘college?’ oh boy. um. all of my homework is done as far as i’m concerned. over the weekend, i have to shoot three rolls of film on some loose ’self portrait’ project for beg. photography. i have NO idea what i’m going to shoot yet. that’ll get done Friday or Monday, since i have to work on Saturday and Sunday till only an hour or two before it gets dark.

anyhow, the point of this was *grrr* at my laundry not being done in the washing machine. i’m ready for bed… i almost fell asleep on the couch just from sitting there. so i was hoping that i could just put my stuff in the dryer and not worry about it until tomorrow. it appears, that i either have to WAIT for it to finish washing, and by that time i may very well have fallen dead asleep on the floor OR i can just ignore it and go to sleep, and just re-wash it tomorrow. either way, it ‘feels’ like it’s just going to get washed again tomorrow.

fuck it… i’m going to bed. (right after i write some more)

as far as sailing goes… i don’t know how long i’m going to stick with it. i’d LIKE to learn how to sail, yes. though i’m not sure if i really want to learn to sail on the level of competition. my ‘want’ for sailing is not to ‘win’ anything… it’s really just to be out on a boat, cruising. there is actually a pretty big difference. also, this ‘club/team’ is going to take up a LOT more time than i had originally anticipated. the coaches really want you to be able to make it on Fridays sometimes, and even Saturdays if there isn’t a race that weekend. i can’t do that. i can’t afford the time. i’d rather focus on things like my photography class, and my Electronic Media class (which require a LOT of ‘outside of class’ time to do work) since those are things that i’m going to be pursuing as far as a career goes. we’ll see. i’m going to stick with it for a while longer. there is talk of being able to learn how to sail on a larger boat as well (which is what i want) so if that comes to fruition then i’ll most definately stay with it. right now, we’re sailing tiny, 2 person boats. i want the bigguns. (p.s. i have to get to know Amanda better, before i decide to leave the team as well… hehe.)

well, that was just phone call number three that caused me to stop typing.. so now that i’m done with the phone calls, my laundry is actually done washing so i can just stick it in the dryer and go to bed… only an hour later; not too shabby.

g’night world.
just a btw: i know that my life is still good. i’m in college which is a step in the right direction. all of the things that i talk about (my feelings of ‘detachment’ and the questioning of available time for sailing vs. other things will all smooth themselves out. this is only day 3; i know.)