Monthly Archive for December, 2001

um, okay. so basically, that was a good night. I was actually a little ‘remiss’ about calling Roger [my old friend from high school, since he can be a little 'depressing' sometimes] but he still had a bunch of his stuff at my parents house, so we had decided that today would be a good day to get it back. I gave him a call…he came over to get his stuff [in three or four boxes] and then, he invited me to his house for x-mas dinner with his family i.e.. grandparents, parents, sister, aunt etc. now, as a forethought, I had always thought his sister was cute… since I’ve known Roger. she’s a few years younger than Roger and I, but I still thought she was cute. Rogers mother is from the Philippines so his sister is half Philippine. anyhow… it’s been four years, and she’s now REALLY cute. but that’s not really a part of the story. i just couldn’t stop looking at her. i’m bad like that i guess?!??

so ANYWAYS, after the dinner was through, and a few gifts had been exchanged, Roger and i went out for a beer or two. so he drove me back towards my house, where i had a ‘few’ ideas as to what bars to go to… both of them were closed. it was 0 for 2. not a good streak. so we decided then to hit Ybor strip [club area of Tampa]. Ybor is basically one street that is ‘well populated’ with clubs and bars etc. so Roger and i go to one place that is open, a ‘club’… and it turns out to be a big gigantic ’sausage party.’ i hate to use such vulgar terms, but that’s what it was… a bar full of guys. not on the ‘top ten’ list for fun times on Christmas Eve…. and to be honest with you… it wasn’t even FULL of guys… it was just a 50 to 1 ratio. and it was pretty empty.

so we left there, and Roger had said that he needed an ATM machine. on our way to the ATM machine, we were ‘aproached’ by a guy asking for $2.75. i asked him what he needed it for, and he mentioned that he had come to Florida looking for a job from Ohio [he even showed me his Ohio I.D. card] and that he had been robbed when he got down here, then couldn’t find a job… so he was living on the streets. he wanted to call his family back in Ohio and let them know that he was okay [so he needed a calling card.] i gave him $2 and asked if he wanted a beer… i figured it was Christmas… everyone deserves a good drink. we walked to the nearest place that sold 40’s, and i bought him a beer for a dollar and 75 cents. so i spent under five bucks on the guy. i told him Merry Christmas, and not to forget to call his family once he get’s the other 75 cents.

on the way back from the store that sold beer, Roger and i stopped at a place called James Joyce Pub. it’s an Irish place… they have Guiness on tap. it’s a good place. anyhow; Roger and i show up, order our two pints [of which he only finishes a teensy bit of] and sit down at a table. across from us a bit, there was another table, at which were sitting three girls. three attractive girls; one of which had the cutest dimples. i kept having these feelings of ‘i cant spend Christmas Eve with Roger, pining away about this or that….’ and my courage was swelling and falling every so often. finally, when Roger went to go get another drink [for me] something in my head said, “fuck it” and i walked over and said “hi there…do you mind if i join you? my name is Nathaniel.” and shook hands with the three of them, as they mentioned their names [of which i have forgotten since then]. we made small talk for a while, and then Roger came back and i introduced him to ‘the girls.’ i think he was a bit shocked when he came back and noticed me sitting at the ‘wrong table.’ it’s all good. i still couldn’t believe that i had the courage for that!!! i amaze even myself! so anyhow… we talked and drank and laughed and joked etc. until they actually left. one of them mentioned that they might be back. i was hoping… all i could think of at the time was how boring it was going to be now that they had left… lo-and-behold, they came back. when they came back in though, they went to the back ot the place and sat in ‘the booth.’ i thought we had just been ‘officially diss’ed’ when they went to the bar to get their drinks, they walked right past us, and didn’t even say “hey we’re back…” so i had given up. then after they had gotten their drinks, they ended up sitting BACK at the table with Roger and I. to kake a long story short, they stayed with us till we all left at around 2:30am, and we all hugged, and said “Merry Christmas” and we said how we had a good time etc. it was fun. and nice. first of all, because i don’t think that i would have normally done that, and second of all, because i’m “dog.” so i had a good Chirstmas Eve. i got hugged, i got smiled at… over-all…good. Roger doesn’t think so, but that’s just him… i think he wanted some “Bumpin and Gidin” to get it looking how it is. i’m going to bed…i’m tired, and can’t finish this story straight.

[ so i realize that a while ago, i had a bunch of little posts which described the problems i was having getting pictures up... i've finally gotten it working, so i took all the other posts out of my LJ.]

this is a test…this is a test of the ‘emergency posting system’ with RoadRunner. blech. okay, so i’ve found out all the required info to set up my 10meg space on RoadRunner. now i can actually start adding pictures to my LiveJournal entries!! woohoo.

[RoadRunner didn't work, so i ended up having to go with Liquid2k as a host]

now, let us see if this works. since, to be honest, this is my first ‘real’ experience with HTML

and this is the bike that i will someday have the money to afford!!

sheesh… so here i was, hoping to get home and find lots of e-mail… but no. nothing. empty ‘inbox.’ that’s no fun. =[

okay, let-down number 2! i decided that i’d check my ‘personal ad’ mailbox… it claimed i had one unread message. woohoo! and i checked, and it was just a ‘we’ve posted your ad!’ from Yahoo. ahh well.

i’ve got a really bad headache that started at work two hours ago. i’m not really ‘enjoying’ it all that much. i’m hoping actually, that it will decide to leave me in peace sometime soon. it was a LONG day at work today. as i had thought, it was extremely busy, even in the lawn and garden center.

has everyone finished their x-mas shopping? i’m sad this year. there are SO many people that i’d like to get things for, but i just don’t have the money. i’m not really sure that i even have enough money to get my family the things that they ‘wanted.’ and that’s just a bummer. i realize that Christmas is not all about how much money you spend, but i wish i had more to ‘give.’ i got my mom an old suitcase. hehe. i realize that must sound bad. i had originally bought it for me from Goodwill. it’s one of those old travel cases that you’d see stacked in a corner somewhere with lots of stickers from different countries on it. she saw it the day that i brought it home, and said “ooooooooh, that’s nice!!” i don’t need it. i have enough ‘extra’ crap in the house as it is; so i’m giving it to her. i got my sister a percolator from Goodwill as well. she’s been looking for one of those. again, it’s the ‘old’ kind. it’s all chrome. i’m getting my dad bamboo since he’s been wanting that for a while now, he just won’t spend the money on it. and i have NO idea what i’m getting for my brother. i wish that the holidays didn’t make you feel so ‘yucky.’ i’m giving what i can as gifts… but i still feel like a ‘cheapo’ or something. ahh, the joy of the Christmas spirit.

i really need to shave tomorrow. that came out of nowhere! and i’ve got something in my eye, and it’s getting on my nerves… grrr…

    &nbspi’m slowly coming to some conclusions [about myself], which may or may not be true… i sit around the house being sad because i have no friends. a statement which is UNTRUE. i do have friends. Krissi was my friend, until i started being anti-social. Her, Ken, myself and my brother went out a few times on the weekends. we drank beer, we socialized.. we had a good time. and then, that stopped. and i can only blame it on my brother and i. the both of whom decided that being a ‘hermit’ was so much easier than going out on the weekends. then, Krissi started inviting me over to watch ‘Enterprise’ with her and Ken; something that i did for a little while, and then stopped. whether it was because i was too tired, or just ‘didnt feel like it,’ or because of work. i haven’t spoken with Krissi in a while now [which is too bad]. i make excuses as to why i stopped hanging out with her, when in fact, i don’t have any good reasons.

    &nbspKeith and Stacy are my friends. they always have been. they invited me out on a few occasions to go see a movie, or to join them for ’swing dance class’ in Ybor city. again, i made up excuses. WTF is wrong with me?? i WANT friends; yet, when i HAVE them, i neglect them… i don’t get it. so anyhow.

    &nbspi keep thinking more and more about this whole ‘Europe’ trip etc. and the more i think about it, the more i realize, when i get back… nothing will have changed. i will still feel the same way about the ‘lack of friends.’ i will still not have ANY college under my belt. i will still be relatively directionless… so the more i think about it, the more i think that MAYBE what i should do, is start school. at least TRY college. i keep telling myself, and my family, “oh, i can’t start school because i’ll just end up dropping out.” i don’t know if this is true or not. why not TRY at least?! i had ‘plans’ of a kind to start at USF in January. then, somewhere back there in the previous months, that plan started to change. i decided that ‘nah’ i wasn’t ready for college yet!! oh boy. so then, i started making ‘new’ plans to ‘VOLUNTEER OVERSEAS’ woohoo! sounds like fun doesn’t it?! yeah… and it probably would be. but i’m not sure that RIGHT NOW… that is what’s best for me. i’m tired of working piddly jobs ie. warehouses and Target. i’m tired of not having friends. what is the ONE thing that may help to change that?! COLLEGE!! i have NO doubt in my mind that i would meet people at school… no doubt. i also have NO DOUBT in my mind that MAYBE by going to school, and by proving to myself that it can be done, i will gain more confidence in a) my skills as an ‘artist’ and b) my ability to get a ‘real’ job. at the same time, i can be developing a social life. USF has study abroad programs. i could do one of those. i’m guessing they also have ‘extracurricular activities’ and groups that i could meet people with similar interests to go ‘kayaking around the bay’ with. did you know… that i haven’t even sent in my APPLICATION to USF!!!??? if you thought i had, it was all a farce, a facade, a hoax… i had my transcripts sent there months ago. i’m not even sure if how long they hold your transcripts. i NEED to send in my application.

    &nbspmy brother keeps telling me that i should go to Evergreen, ‘because i’ll just drop out of REAL college.’ he MAY be right… but then again, he might not be. i’m not a HUGE fan of the state of Florida, but while i’m here, i need to do something to make that better. the choice is mine. i have been thinking… and a lot of you will probably scoff at the idea… but i have been thinking that what i need to do is, take $1,000 of my $6,000 and buy some ’stuff;’ buy some scuba gear, and a kayak. and take the rest of it… and put it on my jeep. i really love that vehicle. and i realize that it may sound silly, but i’ve been trying to convince myself for 6 months now, to get rid of it. i can’t. that jeep is my ONE connection with my ‘outdoorsy’ self. it feels good to drive around in it. it feels good to take the top off and head to the beach with a picnic lunch. it would feel even better to head to the beach with some kayaks and a friend or two. if i put the rest on my jeep, i have almost no doubt in my mind that i could get the remaining $7,000 that i owe on it, refinanced through MacDill Federal Credit Union; which would make my payments MUCH lower than they are now. also, if i was going to school at the same time, the military would be giving me the G.I. Bill, which equates to $800 a month to pay for school and whatever else i feel like spending it on. the check is sent TO ME, not to the school. and with USF only costing $2,500 a year for in-state tuition, that leaves me with extra money. so i could be going to college, making friends, still owning my jeep, etc. etc. doesn’t that sound like a good idea? THEN, maybe if i meet someone in school that is also thinking about traveling, we could go together over a break or something. i just feel like i’m in limbo right now, and i don’t like it. i feel like even if i go on this ‘vacation’ i’m going to come back STILL IN LIMBO…

feel free to respond, ridicule, or praise!!

i’ve got to go to work now…

    &nbspWell that was a nice, warm-fuzzy moment. i had gone out to Blockbuster to rent ‘Moulin Rouge’ so that my parents could watch it at our house tonight… on the way home, i decided that i’d drive across the Gandy bridge to St. Pete [only a five minute detour]. when i was coming back, i stopped at the parking area on the Tampa side of the bay. there is a ’seawall’ there which is made up of large concrete slabs inserted vertically into the sand. it makes a very nice ‘lagoon’ area when the tide goes out. so there i was hopping around on the fallen slabs of seawall, looking out across the bay, thinking about how nice it felt to just ‘be there,’ enjoying the moment. it was nice. i looked back in at the ‘lagoon’ area and noticed a few children digging around in the water and sand looking for ‘creatures.’ it was cute… one would yell out “i’ve found something!! come here! quick!”

    &nbspOn my way back in towards the shore [since the fallen seawall slabs were out a ways in the water] i noticed a horseshoe crab [dead] lodged in some rock… i pulled it out and walked it over to the young boy digging around in the dirt [who's father was standing there] and said “have you ever seen a creature like this? it’s called a horseshoe crab. it’s been around since the time of the dinosaurs. pretty neat huh?” his father smiled. the little boy, looked at it in awe as i turned it over in my hand to show him the spider-like legs of it’s underbody, and showed him how they run along in the sand, underwater. he yelled over to his two sisters who were digging elsewhere, “Hey, come look at this HUGE creature!!!!” and so they came running over and i showed them too. they had been collecting small snails and hermit crabs in a jar. i talked with the father for a bit and he said that they were down from New Jersey. the kids are going to take the horseshoe crab back up North to school for ’show and tell.’ i thought that was pretty cool… so i stood around with them for a while as the children collected more snails for their jar. i asked them how many they thought were in the lagoon, and one of the little girls said, “oh, at least 5 billion..yeah.. or maybe more like 5 gahzillion.” and i said, “wow, you might be right. have you ever seen 5 gahzillion snails? that’s a whole lot; more than would fit in your jar i think.” she said, “Oh yeah…” i stayed with them for a while longer till they too seemed ready to depart, and on my way back to the jeep, i actually found ANOTHER, smaller horseshoe crab ’skeleton’ in the rocks. of which they took as well. we all said goodbye, and the father said “thank you, it was nice talking with you…” i said, “have a good vacation”…

good times had by all. made me feel ‘real’ in a way.